Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes are High
by Kerry Patterson
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List Price: $16.95
Our Price: $8.49
Your Save: $ 8.46 ( 50% )
Availability: Usually ships in 24 hours
Manufacturer: McGraw-Hill
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Average Customer Rating:  
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Binding: Paperback
Dewey Decimal Number: 153.6
EAN: 9780071401944
ISBN: 0071401946
Label: McGraw-Hill
Number Of Items: 1
Number Of Pages: 256
Publication Date: 2002-06-18
Publisher: McGraw-Hill
Studio: McGraw-Hill
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Spotlight customer reviews:
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Customer Rating:
Summary: Everyone should read this book!!
Comment: I bought several books to help me with a challenging situation. This was by far the most helpful. And reading it has made me look at many other relationships and difficulties in a new light.
An unexpected result of this book, was that I could see clearly mistakes that I had made myself. It made me take responsibility for my half of past conflicts.
I thought this book would teach me how to win an argument, instead....I learned how to forgive---others and myself.
I only wish I had read this years before. It is full of the best advice, common sense and it is presented very clearly.
Get this book---it will change your life....for the better.
Customer Rating: 
Summary: somewhat helpful
Comment: This book is heavy on the "Why" a crucial conversation should take place but does not go into enough detail on "How" to actually conduct a crucial conversation. After reading the excerpt, I was excited to order the book but part way through it, I felt like I wasn't getting the info I needed.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Back to Basics
Comment: I decided to use this book for my administrative staff. We are a small nursing home with 10 managers. We all were having difficulty dealing with the day to day stressors. This book has taught us how to have effective conversations with our staff and make better decisions. I recommend it as a basic tool to get the thought processes going to improve communication
Customer Rating:
Summary: For when things get crucial
Comment: We all face situations in life where things are tense and saying the right things is critical. This is what the authors call a "crucial conversation," as opposed to a casual discussion. Crucial conversations happen between two or more people when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Whether you are approaching a boss who is breaking his or her own policies, critiquing a colleague's work, or talking to a team member who isn't keeping commitments, keeping the conversation productive can be very difficult.
The main technique the authors teach is the talent of dialogue. This is the free flow of meaning between two or more people. People who use this technique are able to find a way to get all relevant information from themselves and others out in the open and make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool. These people try hard to ensure that all ideas find their way into the forum; and as this "pool of shared meaning" grows, it helps people by exposing them to more accurate and relevant information so they can make better decisions.
The book also offers a series of tools for understanding how we think about and prepare for problem situations. They posit that people must learn the skills of talking, listening and acting together, and must remember that successful dialogue, "Starts with heart." They suggest you begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and then stay focused no matter what happens by knowing what you want. Never lose sight of the fact that the only person you can directly control is yourself. To stay focused on what you really want, pay attention to your motives whenever you find yourself moving toward silence or violence. Clarifying what you don't want will help you find healthy options to bring you to dialogue.
Another important factor they teach in the development of better dialogue is the ability to know when safety is at risk. Recognizing when the brain is beginning to disengage from a situation and moving away from healthy dialogue is a skill that must be learned to improve communication. When a dialogue is safe, you can say anything.
Since dialogue calls for a free flow of meaning, fear can kill the flow of meaning. To reduce fear, the authors say those involved in the dialogue must learn to look at content and conditions, to watch for safety problems, watch out for outbreaks of stressed behavior, and recognize when things are moving toward silence or violence. Learning techniques to make a dialogue safe helps everyone contribute his or her meaning to it. Once these things are learned, turning them into habits is what will make them useful when they are needed most.
I think the skills taught in Crucial Conversations are pertinent to everyone who needs to communicate better, and the light-hearted, engaging tone the authors use gets their points across clearly. By breaking down the tactful steps that must be taken along the way to a successful dialogue, the authors help us to develop better strategies for getting what we want.
Another book I love and recommend strongly for dealing with difficult people and stressful situations is The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Change Your Life
Comment: I have been in sales and sales management for a long time and am skeptical of "improvement" books. I read this as part of a course in effective communication (not willingly) and was really surprised by the original approach and effective process. Two years later, I have to say that this book has improved my life. I have always hated confrontation, but this completely changes the playing field. It is an empathetic approach that allows all involved to come away feeling respected and satisfied, even if they didn't "win" the argument. It's made me a better seller, a better manager, and a better wife and parent. If you'll "listen" to this message and practice this process, I think you'll be amazed at the result. I have now given this book and practiced these steps with everyone who works for me, and we are a MUCH more cohesive group because of it. Works great on my husband, too!! Enjoy...
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Editorial Reviews:
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Customer Rating:
Summary: Everyone should read this book!!
Comment: I bought several books to help me with a challenging situation. This was by far the most helpful. And reading it has made me look at many other relationships and difficulties in a new light.
An unexpected result of this book, was that I could see clearly mistakes that I had made myself. It made me take responsibility for my half of past conflicts.
I thought this book would teach me how to win an argument, instead....I learned how to forgive---others and myself.
I only wish I had read this years before. It is full of the best advice, common sense and it is presented very clearly.
Get this book---it will change your life....for the better.
Customer Rating:
Summary: somewhat helpful
Comment: This book is heavy on the "Why" a crucial conversation should take place but does not go into enough detail on "How" to actually conduct a crucial conversation. After reading the excerpt, I was excited to order the book but part way through it, I felt like I wasn't getting the info I needed.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Back to Basics
Comment: I decided to use this book for my administrative staff. We are a small nursing home with 10 managers. We all were having difficulty dealing with the day to day stressors. This book has taught us how to have effective conversations with our staff and make better decisions. I recommend it as a basic tool to get the thought processes going to improve communication
Customer Rating:
Summary: For when things get crucial
Comment: We all face situations in life where things are tense and saying the right things is critical. This is what the authors call a "crucial conversation," as opposed to a casual discussion. Crucial conversations happen between two or more people when opinions vary, stakes are high, and emotions run strong. Whether you are approaching a boss who is breaking his or her own policies, critiquing a colleague's work, or talking to a team member who isn't keeping commitments, keeping the conversation productive can be very difficult.
The main technique the authors teach is the talent of dialogue. This is the free flow of meaning between two or more people. People who use this technique are able to find a way to get all relevant information from themselves and others out in the open and make it safe for everyone to add their meaning to the shared pool. These people try hard to ensure that all ideas find their way into the forum; and as this "pool of shared meaning" grows, it helps people by exposing them to more accurate and relevant information so they can make better decisions.
The book also offers a series of tools for understanding how we think about and prepare for problem situations. They posit that people must learn the skills of talking, listening and acting together, and must remember that successful dialogue, "Starts with heart." They suggest you begin high-risk discussions with the right motives, and then stay focused no matter what happens by knowing what you want. Never lose sight of the fact that the only person you can directly control is yourself. To stay focused on what you really want, pay attention to your motives whenever you find yourself moving toward silence or violence. Clarifying what you don't want will help you find healthy options to bring you to dialogue.
Another important factor they teach in the development of better dialogue is the ability to know when safety is at risk. Recognizing when the brain is beginning to disengage from a situation and moving away from healthy dialogue is a skill that must be learned to improve communication. When a dialogue is safe, you can say anything.
Since dialogue calls for a free flow of meaning, fear can kill the flow of meaning. To reduce fear, the authors say those involved in the dialogue must learn to look at content and conditions, to watch for safety problems, watch out for outbreaks of stressed behavior, and recognize when things are moving toward silence or violence. Learning techniques to make a dialogue safe helps everyone contribute his or her meaning to it. Once these things are learned, turning them into habits is what will make them useful when they are needed most.
I think the skills taught in Crucial Conversations are pertinent to everyone who needs to communicate better, and the light-hearted, engaging tone the authors use gets their points across clearly. By breaking down the tactful steps that must be taken along the way to a successful dialogue, the authors help us to develop better strategies for getting what we want.
Another book I love and recommend strongly for dealing with difficult people and stressful situations is The Emotional Intelligence Quick Book.
Customer Rating:
Summary: Change Your Life
Comment: I have been in sales and sales management for a long time and am skeptical of "improvement" books. I read this as part of a course in effective communication (not willingly) and was really surprised by the original approach and effective process. Two years later, I have to say that this book has improved my life. I have always hated confrontation, but this completely changes the playing field. It is an empathetic approach that allows all involved to come away feeling respected and satisfied, even if they didn't "win" the argument. It's made me a better seller, a better manager, and a better wife and parent. If you'll "listen" to this message and practice this process, I think you'll be amazed at the result. I have now given this book and practiced these steps with everyone who works for me, and we are a MUCH more cohesive group because of it. Works great on my husband, too!! Enjoy...
Foreword by Stephen R. Covey, Author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People A PAPERBACK ORIGINAL "Most books make promises. This one delivers. These skills have not only helped us to change the culture of our company, but have also generated new techniques for working together in ways that enabled us to win the largest contract in our industry's history."--Dain M. Hancock, President, Lockheed Martin Aeronautics A powerful, seven-step approach to handling difficult conversations with confidence and skill "Crucial" conversations are interpersonal exchanges at work or at home that we dread having but know we cannot avoid. How do you say what needs to be said while avoiding an argument with a boss, child, or relationship partner? Crucial Conversations offers readers a proven seven-point strategy for achieving their goals in all those emotionally, psychologically, or legally charged situations that can arise in their professional and personal lives. Based on the authors' highly popular DialogueSmart training seminars, the techniques are geared toward getting people to lower their defenses, creating mutual respect and understanding, increasing emotional safety, and encouraging freedom of expression. Among other things, readers also learn about the four main factors that characterize crucial conversations, and they get a powerful six-minute mastery technique that prepares them to work through any highimpact situation with confidence.
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